Jeans

I love jeans.  I am a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl.  I would love to wear jeans every day of my life.  The problem is that I don't own one pair that actually fit me right now.  This past weekend I stuffed myself into my "fat" jeans, yes, I don't fit in my "fat" jeans.  It sucks.  I bought these size ten jeans after my third bugger.  They fit then and were my go to jeans until I lost the weight from that pregnancy.  It takes everything in me not to cry thinking about how I have gotten so overweight that I don't even fit in my "fat" jeans.  And wearing them this weekend, even though they were extremely tight and I had a horrible muffin top, even with that, I loved it.  I have been wearing yoga pants or basically any stretchy pants for 7 months now, since the fourth bugger was born.  I can't wait to get back to wearing jeans everyday.  I know I could just go out and buy a pair of jeans that fit at this size (12/14) but I just really, really don't want to.  So I am not.  I am just going to be happy with my stretchy pants until I fit into the dozen pairs of jeans that I already own.  Yep, that's right, I already own at least a dozen pairs of beautiful designer jeans.  I have a few in each size, 6, 8, and 10.  The benefits of having my friends loose weight before I do is that I get their hand-me-downs.  I LOVE hand-me-downs!  For me or the kids, I think free clothes are the best kind.  Especially when you get designer jeans that have hardly been worn.  I can't wait to wear each and every pair.  I am so happy that my friends have expensive taste.  Anyway, here is a picture of me attempting to rock my too small jeans.  Sorry the picture is so dark, not the best, my five year old bugger was my photographer.  =)



Cinnamon rolls...

Why did I do it?  Why did I go to Costco hungry?  I know that is always a bad plan and yet I still went.  So what did we end up buying?  Cinnamon rolls, yummy, sticky cinnamon rolls!  They are amazing and I can't stop myself from eating them.  Does anyone else ever think if we eat them all in one day then at least they wont be around for you to mess up and eat again another day?  No, just me.  Great.  Well, I think that way, I don't know why but I do.  So what have I been eating pretty much all day today?  Yep, eating cinnamon rolls.  It makes me feel so beaten down, like I am failing.  But I can't stop myself, I love the way they taste.  I wish I was one of those girls who could just tell themselves, once on the lips forever on the hips.  Ugh.  

Check it out

Jon found this picture while cleaning out the shed last week. 

It is not my favorite but it sure helps in the motivation department.  Cause it is proof that I was once thin.  I really thought that this picture was from high school but when I looked at the date it was actually taken a month before Jon proposed, so February 2003.  The sad/funny thing about it being from '03 is that I remember feeling chubby and thinking that I had a spare tire around my waist, I sure don't see a spare tire now.  I was in a friends wedding in March of that year and I definitely remember thinking that I was big.  I wish that I could go back in time and tell my self to shut up that I looked great.  I hope that I love myself when I actually get there again, I really don't want to always feel like if I just loose a little more I'll be perfect.  I am trying to work on my self inside while working on the outside.   

This picture...

This is the picture that is motivating me.

This is the picture that has me thinking.

This is the picture that is making me realize that I need to change.

Change my mindset and my lifestyle.

  This is part of a family picture taken at my sister-in-law's graduation. I know that I should be happy about this picture, and I am, but part of me hates it. I love it because we are all there, even my brother-in-law's two boys are in the picture.  But I hate this picture. The way I am standing makes me appear even larger then I already am and I hate that.  This picture was put up on Facebook for all to see and I hate that. And of course, everyone in the picture was tagged on Facebook so it is being seen by like a zillion people and I hate that. Then to make it even worse over 70 people liked the picture and there are at least 45 comments on it and I hate that. To sum it up, this picture, where I noticed just how awfully large I am, has been seen by a lot of people. Great. To top it off, I hate that I feel this way. I want to love this picture even though I am big right now. I know that this is just a moment of my life but I am struggling with getting myself to think that way. All I see is a gross overweight me and not the happy to be around family me that was there celebrating that day. I need to change my mindset.

Do other people feel this way? 

I think they must also feel this way, it must be somewhat normal, normal but definitely not healthy.  I have an amazing friend, Linette, who has recently changed her life by getting healthy.  I never would have called her fat before but she is in great shape now.  I am so inspired by her dedication to getting fit.  She looks awesome, I mean she is HOT!!  But she still must have some of the same body image issues that I do because earlier this week I was checking out her blog for motivation and noticed that she hadn't updated her current stats picture in a long time.  So I sent her a text asking her, ok, if you know me then you know I didn't ask I told her that she needs to update her current stats.  Her text back was, "My current stats...fat still.  Ugh maybe next month I'll update."  Fat still!!! This girl is anything but fat.  She rocked a size 0 dress at a baby shower last weekend.  I love Linette and I want her to change her mindset too.  So whats the trick?  How do we work to be happy in the body God gave us?  I am a little afraid that I might reach my goal and still not be happy with myself.  Ugh. 

(Sorry I cropped the picture, I don't have permission from everyone to post their pictures on the Internet so I cropped it to just show you me)